Health and Wellness

I remember the first time I saw it; this intriguing advertisement of a lipstick tube with a floral and gold casing, and it had the loveliest shade of pink…it lured me right in, it, with its vintage romantic look… After clicking on the link out of curiosity, I happened to catch the name of the shade, “The Painted Veil,” it said. How perfect. Could it be any more like me? A little elusive, a little mysterious; it matched my whole vibe. I just had to have it, so I bought it. (“I want it, I got it…”) Little did I know this tiny little trinket would become an essential piece of my life, and I waited ever so patiently for it to arrive.

After waiting a few days, the little box made its way to my doorstep. I quickly opened it and was enamored by the packaging. I held it in my hand and slowly opened it. The attention to detail in the casing alone made me feel as if I had found something rare, something priceless. I admired the colors, the shine, the ceramic look, the vintage florals…it was everything I hoped it would be and more. I took the casing off and twisted the lipstick up, and I saw the name branded and imprinted straight on the lipstick itself…GUCCI. It was perfectly placed underneath the angled rise so it would be visible even after using it several times. I had never seen such exquisite detail on something so simple. There was such an added elegance to it that couldn’t be replicated. It felt so…high class; it was a doorway to elevated fashion (in my mind). It was Gucci after all. I would have never bought lipstick at that price, in fact, I didn’t even wear lipstick. Honestly, I bought it purely for looks. I wasn’t really a “color girl,” but something inside me said, “Try it on.” So I did. And I fell in love…

I applied the lipstick to my lips with careful precision, and to my surprise, the shade was such a perfect match. I loved it on me. Normally, after trying on lip color, I would wipe it right off, feeling a little “too much.” But not this. I actually liked the way it looked. The slight color added to the small amount of makeup I was already wearing seemed to uplift everything in and on me. It brought in just the right amount of vibrancy, it gave me this new sort of confidence; I felt a little more…alive. Being laid up at home in the cold season, living in my bedroom most of the time recovering from an auto accident, depression set in really fast. I had such a need to create a space that fostered a sense of content, a space I enjoyed being in long-term. I wanted to look good, and I wanted to feel good. I couldn’t fix the state I was in, but I could make the most of it. I was determined to find a sense of joy in everything. Sometimes that means a little color.

I am a vividly visual and sensory type of person, aesthetics can make or break my mood. I take in what’s around me and my mental state follows suit. I needed to create something that was warm, cozy, comforting, peaceful. I needed to enjoy my space. I needed to feel as if there was some sort of normalcy. I wanted to look normal. I wanted to look at myself in the mirror and feel good. I wanted my room to be a place I looked at and wanted to be in. So, I began to add pieces to my bedroom; fabrics and art pieces I slowly collected, colors, creams, dusty pinks and yellows, a little black (always a little black)…I added any and everything I could to create an entire mood with this one little space. I displayed my makeup and jewelry just right. My books and papers were organized just so. I needed an artistic feel and a specific ambiance. And I created it. I had created a space that was warm and inviting, one that said, “Come, enter in. Stay a while…” Once the space felt just right, then I could focus on me and my mind. I was not going to let depression win, I was going to battle it and make no room for it to enter. 

During my recovery, I developed a daily routine that helped me to feel a little more alive. If I didn’t do these things, I would sulk in bed and my mood would tank. It was vital I did them. I would wake up, change from pajamas into my Comfrt weighted sweats, I would wash my face, and then I would apply my skin care routine step by step making sure not to miss one step. Wash face. Apply eye cream. Spritz toner. Apply serum. Moisturize. If I skipped any step, I would feel defeated as if I had cut corners and gave in to the fatigue depression can bring. That was such an easy state to stay in. I had to do it all. It was vital. I would then do my hair, messy, tousled, and pinned back as always (but don’t forget the dry shampoo, that was a very important step between wash days). I would walk into my room, light the Madagascar vanilla candle that was sitting on my dresser, and put a little perfume oil on my skin from my vanilla rollerball that matched it, oh how I loved that sweet vanilla smell, and then I would add a tiny bit of makeup. Not a lot, no one was going to see me, just a little to make myself feel brighter. It was all about mood. Aesthetics. Self care. This was how I did self care. I would put on a little concealer, eyeliner, mascara, and nothing else. No foundation, no eyeshadow or blush, just those few simple things…and then..the lipstick…This beautiful little pink-shaded lipstick tied everything together just right. It was the final step. The completion of my morning routine gave me a boost of self confidence and a sense of achievement. (I do love a good challenge…) I had won that morning. This little lipstick wasn’t just makeup, it was my weapon. I put it on and I had won, every..single…day. It was a beautiful thing.

Isn’t it funny how the simplest of things can really be the biggest of things; how something so small could matter so much?  People buy lipstick and makeup every day and think nothing of it. It’s just something they do, something they wear, just something normal. For me, it became everything. Those who battle depression know how hard it is to do anything life-like when it hits, so it’s crucial to do whatever you can to stay out of the lows. Still, to this day, when I hold this little lipstick in my hand and put it on my lips, it brings back such a good feeling. It brings back positive memories from a more than difficult time. When I’m feeling a little less than, a little “not put together,” I can wear this lipstick and feel a little bit better about myself. Self care is so important. For you, it might look a little different. But for me, self care is simple, and it all starts with a little tube of lipstick. I think I’ll go put some on right now…